Segal Law – What to do when your spouse wants a divorce, but you do not

August 11, 2022 Blog No Comments »

When a marriage starts to break down, it isn’t always a mutual decision. We sometimes like to think that as long as we’re willing to keep working on things our spouse will be too, but that isn’t always the truth. In some cases, one spouse will want a divorce while the other one does not. So, if you don’t want to go through with the very final act of a divorce but your spouse does here’s what you can do.

Try to keep calm

When your spouse announces to you that they want a divorce it might feel like it’s coming out of nowhere, so your immediate reaction could be explosive or you may feel like begging your spouse to reconsider.

During this emotionally charged time, try to keep calm and do not take any actions out of spite or resentment – including threats of keeping children away from the spouse. These knee-jerk reactions will cause more damage in the long run, even if it seems like it’s the right thing to do right now.

Try to understand what the real problem is

While the request for divorce may seem like it’s coming out of nowhere for you – it likely isn’t for your spouse who is requesting it. The best way to determine why your spouse wants this divorce is to ask them, and then really listen.

When asking for information from your spouse, try not to interrogate them. If they feel like you’re pushing too hard, they might just lock up and not want to talk anymore.

Express your feelings

Let your spouse know where you stand on this issue and how you’re feeling about it. Try to not become emotional when having this conversation, and remember it’s not the time to make a case to convince your partner that divorce is the wrong thing. This will probably just make your partner dig their heels in further about the divorce.

Rather, you should express that you do not want this divorce and ask if your partner is willing to explore a less drastic option – like a separation, perhaps. A separation can allow for healing and for couples to work through the issues they are experiencing.

Try some self-care

This time in your life may leave you feeling hurt, lost, and alone – and those feelings are very valid. One of the best things you can do during this time is to seek a counsellor to work through your feelings and help you process what is going on.

You can also spend time working on your physical health through exercise as it can really help you to deal with the stress of the situation.

Stay true to yourself

In some cases, people feel as if they were better in some way or if they were to make drastic changes to their body then their spouse might stay with them, and the marriage could be saved.

Undergoing dramatic changes such as cosmetic procedures may seem like it will help, however long-term it is unlikely to really get to the root of the problem and will only delay the inevitable.


Contact Segal Law today

Even if you think the marriage can be saved, once your spouse announces that they want a divorce, it is a good idea to speak to a family lawyer who will help to ensure that your rights are protected. To make an appointment with a family lawyer, contact Segal Law today.

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