Divorce will change your life forever, no question about it. However, it also has a huge impact on your children, as they will be watching their parents separate from each other and now the children will also have a very different life.
Sometimes children don’t understand the true reason for divorce, and they become angry with one parent for leaving. Keeping a good relationship with your children during and after your divorce can be very helpful for them when it comes to adjusting to what their new life is going to look like. Here are a few considerations for maintaining that relationship.
Stay connected
If you’re feeling like your children don’t really want to see you as much or spend as much time with you, it could be natural for you to want to pull back and give them some space to adjust.
With today’s technology, staying connected and communicating with your children is easier than ever – on whichever platform you prefer to communicate on. You can give them space while ensuring you stay connected and keeping open lines of communication so they can talk to you whenever they want.
Quality time
As often as possible (while still following the guidelines of your custody agreement) spend quality time with your children – in person. Even if you don’t believe it, your physical presence will mean a lot to your children and they will remember that you were there for them.
Listen openly
Your children will have feelings about the situation – and they are completely valid feeling. Listen to what your children have to say, without correcting them or telling them they don’t understand.
As you listen, you should absolutely try to guide your children to solve any issues or concerns they can on their own, but make sure they know you will always be there to support them. Children will be more likely to come to you and talk about big things going on in their life if they know that you’re willing to listen to them without jumping to conclusions or judging.
Be consistent
Having a parent who is sometimes in their life and sometimes not can cause a feeling of disconnect with your children. Your children may be experiencing some trust issues after going through this divorce with their parents, so you need to make them a priority and show that you will keep trying and be there for them.
Even if they don’t answer your text messages or your phone calls, keep trying to talk to them and be there for them. Just keep showing up for them – even if they don’t ask you to.
Be positive with them
As much as possible, speaking words of affirmation to your children is a great way to stay connected with them. Reassure your children by vocalizing that you love them and you’re there for them.
You may think that your child knows that you love them, however it’s still nice to hear it vocalized. Words are an important tool. The words you use when speaking to your child, or even ex-partner, can really set the tone for what your relationship will look like going forward. Always do your best to speak positive words to your child.
Staying connected with your child post-divorce can be difficult because your child may feel angry with you or not trust you – depending on how your divorce went. Using these tips, you can try to stay connected to maintain and build on the relationship you have with them.
There are times when you may need legal help to stay connected with your child – especially if your ex does not share the same view that you should be in your child’s life. If you require help with a matter about your divorce or parental rights, contact Segal Law today to speak with one of our family lawyers.