Every divorce is going to be a little bit different because each marriage is different. Some divorces are pretty straightforward and amicable because both parties agree it’s the right thing, while other divorces will be high conflict and very difficult for both sides to work through. If you find yourself in the middle of a high-conflict divorce and aren’t sure how to navigate your way through it, here are a few tips to help you:
Let your spouse own their behaviour
While your spouse may often show certain behaviours or do specific things to poke at you and get a reaction, try not to let this affect you. It’s easier said than done, but if you can try not to take it personally and realize that this is their issue and not yours, it will go a long way in helping you cope.
You have enough to deal with right now, so you don’t need to deal with your ex’s issues too. By not reacting to their antics, you also send the message that their behaviour is not working and they might give up.
Stop talking to you ex
If you are not being treated with the respect you deserve, you are more than entitled to cut off communication with your ex-spouse (except in going through lawyers). By drawing that line and setting up a boundary, you are showing your ex-spouse that you will not put up with the behaviour they are showing and will not tolerate how they’re treating you.
Don’t let yourself be bullied
Once you have set up a boundary, it’s important that you stick to it. Your ex-spouse may try to manipulate or bully you into backing off and slowly letting them back in. Make sure you stand your ground and let them know you will not tolerate being treated that way. If they cross the line in your conversations, stop the conversation immediately and do not continue talking until they change their behaviour.
Keep your children out of it
Not all marriages have children, but for those where there are children involved, it can get so much more complicated. Your ex-spouse may try to use the children as a way to gain leverage against you or include them in the conversation to manipulate you into doing certain things or making certain decisions. It may be hard to do, but it’s important to make sure you do not argue in front of your children and ensure that you keep them out of discussions about the divorce.
Stay off of social media
While it may be tempting to vent about your divorce to your friends on social media, stay away from posting about your ex-spouse and your divorce. Publicly shaming your ex-spouse may feel good right now, but it will likely backfire on you and not turn out the way you want. Creating drama online may drive your closest family and friends away from you and could even be documented in your divorce if it’s relevant to part of your agreement.
If possible, it’s also recommended you unfollow or unfriend your ex-spouse, so you have no temptation to look at what they’re doing.
Going through a divorce is hard, no matter how amicable you and your ex-spouse are. When the situation becomes a constant fight and is high conflict, it can make it just that much worse. By following these tips, you can navigate your way through a high-conflict divorce and come out the other side to start your new life.
Whether your divorce is high conflict or mostly amicable, having a good family lawyer to protect your rights is critical. If you are going through a divorce, we can help. Contact Segal Law today for more information.