Telling your child that you and your partner are getting a divorce is one of the hardest conversations you may ever have. For young children, who are still learning how the world works, the concept of divorce can be confusing and even scary. How you communicate this message can make a significant difference in how your child copes and adjusts to the changes ahead. With honesty, simplicity, and reassurance, you can help your child understand what divorce means in a way that feels safe and supportive.
Young children, particularly those under the age of six, need short, simple explanations. Avoid going into legal details or adult conflicts. Instead, focus on what is changing and what will stay the same.
For example, you might say:
“Mommy and Daddy are going to live in different houses, but we both love you very much and will always take care of you.”
Avoid blaming language or discussing issues like infidelity or financial struggles. These are adult topics that can cause confusion or distress.
Children often internalize divorce and worry that they caused it. Reassure your child repeatedly that the divorce is not their fault and that they are deeply loved by both parents.
Phrases like:
“This is a grown-up decision, and it’s not because of anything you did or didn’t do”
can offer powerful comfort. Let them know that no matter where they live, they will always have a home with each parent. For related reading, please see: A Parent’s Guide to Supporting Your Children Through Divorce.
There are excellent picture books written specifically for young children dealing with divorce. These resources use age-appropriate language and relatable stories to help kids understand their feelings and the changes happening in their lives. Some helpful options include:
These books can open the door to important conversations and help your child process their emotions.
Even when the message is shared gently, children may still feel angry, sad, confused, or clingy. Allow your child to express their feelings without trying to “fix” them right away. Young children may not always have the words to describe how they feel, so watch for changes in behaviour like trouble sleeping, more tantrums, or separation anxiety.
If emotions seem overwhelming or persist over time, consider seeking support from a child therapist who specializes in family transitions.
If it’s safe and healthy to do so, both parents should tell the child about the divorce together. Presenting a united front helps reassure your child that both parents are still on the same team when it comes to loving and caring for them.
Keep the tone calm and focus on logistics that matter to your child, like when they will see each parent and where they will live.
If you’re unsure how to navigate divorce while protecting your child’s well-being, legal guidance can help.
Contact Marcy Segal at (416) 782-7999 or email marcy@marcysegallaw.com to set up a consultation.